Besides the obvious love I have for pretty pink trees, I love wandering around Boston just for the ambiance. Newbury St. is a favorite of mine. I barely enter any of the stores since just walking around is relaxing and stimulating on its own. My heart fills with both pride and amazement at the city of Boston every time.
While aimlessly walking around, I was approached by a spiritualist. She told me that she could sense that I was a little lost in life and that I am trying to figure myself out - that I don't have much support in what I'm doing and that I feel alone. She said she liked my energy and wanted to give me a palm reading. She also offers spiritual detox and stuff that can help with improving self esteem and confidence and thins like that. I politely declined, but took into consideration what she had to say.
I admit I have felt a little alone lately, but that's not due to lack of support - it's been more so my own choice of taking time for myself and thinking about what I want to do as opposed to what others want for me - even though they only want what's best for me. It made me think, though, that perhaps if I were more open to others about what goes on in my head, that I would feel more connected with others and be more self aware.
It made me realize also, that I only really feel alone because I have been failing to - and also not caring to - communicate what I want exactly to those close to me - but that's because I myself am not sure of what I want and think that others won't understand. It's rather counter productive on my part and I intend to change that. I'll let go of the negative; help others understand the positive of my goals instead of just giving up trying to explain every time there's a disagreement.
I typically don't believe in palm readings - though I indulge in the fun of them - because whatever will be will be whether someone tells you about it or not. Whether this psychic and supernatural stuff seems accurate or not, I strongly believe that it's your own responsibility to take fate into your own hands. And if that means taking some vague and at times generic psychic readings to motivate yourself, then so be it. Perhaps in the near future I'll consider giving her a call for reading - just for the hell of it - but in any case only I can change my situation and anything I don't like about myself.
So thank you, Christine the spiritualist, for getting me to think about some stuff I haven't thought about lately. Maybe our paths can cross again some day.
The whole point of wandering around Boston was to explore more of my own home town and to have some much needed "me time" away from my computer, my tempting bed of procrastination, and anyone who knows me at all. I wanted to be surrounded by a living breathing city filled with strangers; to blend in with every one else and feel a one with a world again. Hibernating from the snow has given well needed rest after finishing my studies, but also cut me off from the liveliness I love and crave.
There's a comforting feeling in having a sense of who you are among the crowd - to be your individual self while knowing you're no different than everyone else. It's like you know you're part of something bigger than yourself just by being yourself. I think it's a beautiful part of being human that we often overlook; to know that by the end of every day, you're just like every body else, failure and success in all.
(more photos on Flickr)
In a previous post (Staying Off Wanderlust) I promised myself that I would explore my own city more now that I have the time and I'm glad I'm keeping up with it. What others might consider weird - wandering around the city by myself with no direction and no intention other than to observe - I consider one of the best things in life worth doing.
No schedule, no destination, no plans. A luxury we all need once in a while. No one but myself and the stimulation of the city. Liberation in being part of the moving crowd.
I remember when I was younger I'd be too scared or too self-conscious to go anywhere by myself, because I thought it would make me a loner or an outcast or that I couldn't handle myself. But now I've grown to appreciate and crave my alone time. Maybe because I've become more of an introvert as life goes on, maybe because I've grown stronger, but in any case, it's very satisfying: taking the time to slow down and live in the here and now and just breathe - having only my own company and letting that be enough.
My own company is enough.
I myself am enough.
It's one of the best feelings in the world and the main reason I love wandering around by myself.
I hope we all at least at one point in our lives fully understand the extent of how much we should appreciate ourselves. I'll consider the small reading of the spiritualist and look upon myself as not a continuous working progress, but as someone, like any one else, who deserves to grow for herself, on her own terms, without regret, and is not afraid to share it with others.
Because we all deserve more, but we are also just enough.
"Accept yourself as you are. And that is the most difficult thing in the world, because it goes against your training, education, your culture. From the very beginning, you have been told how you should be; Nobody has ever told you that you are good as you are."
-Osho
o-o-o-o-o-o
Have a beautiful day!
-Chelle
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