“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
A good friend of mine showed me this quote a few months back and I had rediscovered it on my computer. And it scares me in the best way, because it's so true. Since I'm in between jobs, I'm thinking too hard on what my options are instead of actually being open to them.
I'm better than I was before about over worrying about things, but I still have some way to go to stay present. Because the present moment is all we ever truly have and we need to enjoy it while we have it here and now.
I put a complete and utter halt on searching for that dream job - the job that will love for ever and ever and ever - and decided to let myself be taken where my heart and life decides to take me - whatever road that may lead to. Because let's be honest. I'm in my early twenties and I don't have a solid idea of what I want to do for the rest of my life.
And I am perfectly okay with that.
I've been comfortable for too long. It may have only been the last two years or so that I've been so comfortable that I would resist the idea of going anywhere else or doing anything different. If it didn't include staying around home or staying in engineering, I wasn't overly enthusiastic. I'm not saying I'm afraid of moving on - I'm not afraid of change, I just don't hear a calling to do anything else or be anywhere else. And I'm perfectly okay with that.
I'm not tired of where I am, per say. I just crave something different. Something challenging - whatever that may entail or where ever that may be. I don't know what or where that is, but I am also quite perfectly okay with that, too.
I "should" be working hard to be this, I "should" be spending time doing that, I "should" be aiming to become this and that. Not that I don't want to listen, I do, I just choose what I want to if. If I want to spend my free time teaching myself coding, I will. If I want to spend the day wandering around the city with my friends and eat Korean food, I will.
Yes, I'm a millennial and I'm worrying too much about small things that probably in the end might not matter. I'm part of what some older people might consider "the worst generation in history" because all we are concerned about is being on our phones and trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives instead of adding our best to society in any way we can.
Well, to that I say, you're entitled to your opinion. I'm not saying that some of that isn't true, but it certainly doesn't inspire me to "do better" or whatever they want to say about us. I could give examples of older people who don't have their shit together or what have you, but it's not an argument worth having. Because in the end it's on us to make the best of ourselves. And we will. Just not in a way we would probably ever expect or aspire to, but we'll worry about that when that time comes.
I have faith I'll figure out what I need to figure out on the way. I don't know what I'm doing like anyone else my age - or anyone on this planet - but I know I need to stay present. Thinking of the future too much will only take away from the time you have now to spend with your loved ones, do what you can, and see parts of the world you can while you have the chance and while you're here and now.
Don't feel lost. Because at the end of every day, we all do in some way, no matter how much we won't admit. Enjoy your present, think of your future and don't let others try to dictate your path when you have feet of your own to wander upon. Keep that smile and reach for the stars.
I put a complete and utter halt on searching for that dream job - the job that will love for ever and ever and ever - and decided to let myself be taken where my heart and life decides to take me - whatever road that may lead to. Because let's be honest. I'm in my early twenties and I don't have a solid idea of what I want to do for the rest of my life.
And I am perfectly okay with that.
I've been comfortable for too long. It may have only been the last two years or so that I've been so comfortable that I would resist the idea of going anywhere else or doing anything different. If it didn't include staying around home or staying in engineering, I wasn't overly enthusiastic. I'm not saying I'm afraid of moving on - I'm not afraid of change, I just don't hear a calling to do anything else or be anywhere else. And I'm perfectly okay with that.
I'm not tired of where I am, per say. I just crave something different. Something challenging - whatever that may entail or where ever that may be. I don't know what or where that is, but I am also quite perfectly okay with that, too.
I "should" be working hard to be this, I "should" be spending time doing that, I "should" be aiming to become this and that. Not that I don't want to listen, I do, I just choose what I want to if. If I want to spend my free time teaching myself coding, I will. If I want to spend the day wandering around the city with my friends and eat Korean food, I will.
Yes, I'm a millennial and I'm worrying too much about small things that probably in the end might not matter. I'm part of what some older people might consider "the worst generation in history" because all we are concerned about is being on our phones and trying to figure out what we want to do with our lives instead of adding our best to society in any way we can.
Well, to that I say, you're entitled to your opinion. I'm not saying that some of that isn't true, but it certainly doesn't inspire me to "do better" or whatever they want to say about us. I could give examples of older people who don't have their shit together or what have you, but it's not an argument worth having. Because in the end it's on us to make the best of ourselves. And we will. Just not in a way we would probably ever expect or aspire to, but we'll worry about that when that time comes.
o-o-o-o-o-o
Have an amazing day!
-Chelle
