With my 27th birthday just passed, I am reminded of how things have changed and how different my perspective on life has become. If I were to go back, I would have never expected my life to be where it has been up until now. And though it may be sappy I'll still write my list anyways. There's so much more life to live and I'm just getting started. But here we go: 27 things I've learned at 27.
1. There is no point in being so harsh on yourself. Understand, accept, and appreciate that you are human. You can't run on caffeine 24/7 and frankly, you shouldn't because that is so unhealthy. Your goals should not go above your health, and you should take care of yourself. You have to take care of yourself if you want to be able to take care of other people. You have to take care of yourself if you want to move forward. Burn out is quite real and you should never feel ashamed of being human.
2. You will never truly be happy unless you're happy with yourself. Accept yourself. No one is perfect. I forgive everyone else for having flaws, I should be able to forgive myself. That's not to say I don't have things I want to improve upon, but don't wait until you're "perfect" to love yourself. Don't wait until you've reached a certain achievement to love yourself, because your worth is not based on your accomplishments.
3. Don't give a f*ck what people think of you. It's hard sometimes - and by sometimes, I mean a lot of times. Especially when we live in a world of eternally intertwined relationships, you're bound to care how someone thinks of you. Whether it's professional or personal, you're bound to care at some point in time. And that's normal. You'll have insecurities about it. And that's normal. BUT don't let it get to you. You're only human, but don't let it get to you. Especially since there is no such thing as pleasing everyone. Make decisions you can live with, cherish the people that love you, and live your best life. No opinions matter beyond the grave, why should they matter in life?
4. People change - and so will you. One really hard lesson I've learned is that people change - friends, family, me. All things change. I believe that we are all meant to grow in different ways. But as we grow, we either grow with people, or we grow apart. There are friends I've been lucky enough to keep since high school, and there were friends that, in a way, I am no longer compatible as friends with as time went on. Eventually you contact each other less and less, put in less effort to meet up - or you can't stand that person's habits or they can't stand yours - because you're both different people now. Whatever the case, I've learned that it's okay - even necessary to let go of things that are no longer worth your time - including people. It's hard. It's fucking hard. But don't hold onto a person just because you miss the good old times. Cherish the memories, but let go of the people who don't deserve your time anymore.
5. Your goals, aspirations, and desires will change - and that's 100% completely fine. Growing up, I had a very narrow view of what my life could be - college, job, marriage, kids, family, boom, done. But there's so much more to life than that. SO much more. There are so many places to travel, so many different people to meet, so many foods to try, so many different perspectives to consider, so many concepts to learn, and so much more to life than what I've been told is "normal". That's not to say I don't want to settle down and raise a family one day - I do. It's just farther down the line than I had originally thought when I was a young impressionable little girl in elementary school playing house. I just can't be happy living life confined in a box or in a standard set by someone else. And I relish that.
6. Excuses will only hold you back in the end. It's not always black and white, but overall, if you want to accomplish anything, the excuses need to stop. I can't keep saying I'm too tired to work out if I want to be more fit. I can't keep saying I have no time to cook when I have the time to online shop for two hours. I can't improve my relationship with other people if I keep excusing their bad behavior or excusing them for treating me badly. I started replacing "can't" with "didn't want to", and that changed a lot for my perspective to the truth of my excuses.
7. Love your parents. I get emotional sometimes thinking about how lucky I am to have the parents I have. They've loved me and supported my unconditionally for as long as I can remember. In more recent years, I've noticed how old they're getting. They can't walk as fast, or can't remember things as well. I want to spend as much time with them as I can, because as I get older, so will they.
8. It's truly the pure and simple gestures that matter most. I can't say I'm not over the top sometimes. I'm extra. I'll wear glittery eye shadow to go to the grocery store. But by the end of every day, it's the simple gestures that make me the happiest. When a coworker shares her lunch with me because I forgot mine, or when a friend can tell what type of style clothing I would go for, or when they stay up late talking to me to make me feel better - things like that I appreciate the most.
9. If it makes you happy - then do it. If wearing bright red lipstick makes you happy, portray it proudly upon your features. If this luxurious handbag makes you happy and you can afford it, then treat yourself to it. If traveling to a far off land with no itinerary makes you feel free, then go for it. If going to a hot yoga class helps you relax and unwind, definitely do it. Do things that make you happy. Cause honestly - why not? There's an art in finding what makes you happy - an art I'm still learning, but when you find something you love, something that makes you excited to get up in the morning, go for it. Go for it, and hold onto it. Because it's worth it. Because you're worth it.
10. Your worth is not equivalent to your productivity. I love my job. I love working and being productive and I'll stay late or take work home with me if I have to. But that's not solely where my worth lies. I've always been hard on myself, because I want to be better, want to improve, want to contribute, want to do more, want to be more. But I shouldn't have to kill myself with productivity to be satisfied with my work. I do the best I can do every day, and I let that be enough.
11. Travel. It's worth it. Period. My favorite thing about traveling, besides getting to experience a new place, is that every time I come back, I come back with a refreshed and broadened perspective. I may speak for myself, but traveling is something I probably can't live without. To be able to see such diversity and harmonious differences in our world - it's truly a breath taking opportunity that really makes me appreciate life and the people in my life so much more.
12. It's ok to say "no". And not to be ashamed about it. Period. You have a right to not do what you don't want to or aren't your responsibility. If you wish to be kind or go the extra mile, it's your choice, not your obligation.
13. Most things come down to communication. No matter who you're arguing with or who you're working with. Communication matters. A lot. It isn't everything, but it's pretty damn important. It matters as much to listen what others have to say, just as much as it matters to convey yourself in a way that other people can understand. Communication is both ways, never one way.
14. Understand that love means different things to different people. Understand yours. And find your people. At some point in time, we may realize that everyone has a different definition of love. We all express our love in different ways and want to receive love in certain ways in order to be happy. There is no one way. Learn what your love language is, respect the differences of others, and find people who will understand you and you will understand them.
15. Embrace your voice and express yourself. I always always taught to be polite and respectful. I still am, but it doesn't mean stay quiet and take other people's shit. Whether you have to nicely say "no" to a task, or ripping a douche bag a new asshole, never be afraid to use your voice and stand up for yourself.
16. Drink water. There's no question, it's vital to life, to good skin, and a healthy body.
17. Don't look for reasons to make love work. Because sometimes, it just won't work. While it's true that you can't help who you can have feelings for, feelings aren't enough to make a relationship work. It takes communication, commitment, and consistency.
18. Talk is cheap. Actions always speak louder. And inaction says even more. With anyone in your life, if they claim to care about you or your relationship with them, they will find a way to put in the time and effort. Whether it's a significant other, a friend, family member, we all have the same hours in a day. We all might not have the same level of time management, but by the end of the day, we will put effort into things that matter most to us. Don't make excuses for someone not putting in the effort. If they care, then they will try, period, end of story.
19. People will disappoint you and that's part of life. Also realize that you're not perfect either. That being said, don't be too mad or upset when someone disappoints you. Don't get mad. Adjust your expectations of that person. You will disappoint others and that's also part of life. You didn't mean to. They probably didn't mean to either. Have forgiveness of others and yourself.
20. Read (or listen to podcasts). The deeper I get into my career, the more I'm reading scientific articles or technology focused things. After a long day of stretching my brain, the last thing I want to do I pick up a book. But even just 10 or 20 pages of fiction a day can really help me unwind my wired brain and keep my inner child alive.
21. Learn the language of your body. Learn what foods make you feel good, which stretches wake you up, and what to avoid consuming to not feel shitty. As one of my college coaches used to say, "Would you sell your leg for a few million? How about your arm? Do you have a price? Take care of your body. Take care of your multi-million dollar machine." If you work out and then have really bad muscle pain, it's okay to day a day off. If you've been eating nothing but fast food for three days, better take some time to cook some veggies. Take care of yourself.
22. Perfect is a day dream. Reality is better. Simply because whatever I cook up in my imagination, it still limited. As far as I can dream, of the perfect home, the perfect soul mate, the perfect whatever... there's still so much out there I have yet to experience, so much more than what my little imagination can even think of. I'm at the point in my life, where I don't want perfect. It doesn't exist. I want real and I want to grow with it, I want to continue expanding and keep enjoying the adventure.
23. Don't look for closure in other people. This is one that has set me the most free. When you feel hurt or are done wrong by others, don't look for closure in them. When I say that, I say, don't count on them confessing an apology or acknowledging their wrongness. Cause some people will never admit it. Ever. Even in death. Don't rely on their feelings and revelations to find closure for your own. And don't let yourself focus on the "why" they did what they did or the "how could they?". Because it won't matter after the fact that they already did it. Focus on yourself and moving on and far from them and the past. Of course it'll be fucking hard. But in the end, the only true inner peace I have ever found, is in my own ability to move on. Today, if all of the people who have ever done me dirty apologized to me for whatever happened, I don't even think I would care. The younger me would have loved that. The younger me that wanted peace and harmony and an ideal world. But the person I'm growing into now only cares for the present and the future.
24. Seek the goodness in other people. Acknowledge their flaws and accept them as they are. That's not to say you can trust everyone. No. But it doesn't mean you can't treat them with human decency and common courtesy. Some people can be nasty, or just overall unpleasant. That doesn't mean you still can't appreciate the good in them. It'll benefit you in the end. If you keep focusing on the negative of a person, it'll just aggravate you seeing them. Don't focus on the negative. Try to seek the goodness in them.
25. Keep an open mind and an open heart. To everything. People, opportunities, yourself. Don't think about your limits. Consider them when planning, but think of solutions towards your limits. Understand that you are the only person who limits anything and to keep an open mind to what you are capable of. Do what scares you. Leave the comfort zone. Keep yourself open to life.
26. Seek meaningfulness, not happiness. Happiness is a state of mind. You can be as happy as your state of mind allows any given moment. Doing things and having relationships that have meaning to you, I've learned, has been what has brought me the most satisfaction and fulfillment in life. Whether it's finding a passion that drives me, laughing with friends that mean the world to me, or being deeply humbled by my volunteer work, a life of meaning is worth living.
27. The present moment is all that we will ever truly have. Learn from the past and have hope for the future, and live in the present. Enjoy the here and now. Because once it's gone, it gone. Remember that.
The best is yet to come!
-Chelle